Just arrived in Denver Colorado and during my time of reflection, I just want to share some of my thoughts…
Last week was tremendously difficult with the passing of Care Pastor Trenese Durham; I am so amazed with the resilience love, and strength of the Durham family. I sat late Saturday evening in the driveway across Deacon Durham, and sat across from one of the strongest, compassionate, committed, and loving men the world will ever know.
The day after her passing Tiana text me, and said, she just wanted to be close with the saints, this text turned into a evening I will never forget, thanks to the CWC Youth and Young Adult Ministries staff, we disseminated information via text, face book, and phone calls, and we gathered together for an evening that shifted our perspective for ever. One by one we shared our reflections of Pastor Durham, how she inspired each of us, and how we are going to accept the challenge of carrying her legacy in ministry. We wrote letters to God, loved ones, and then shared them with each other. The evening culminated with affirmations and validations. As we held hands in a circle we all began to realize the importance of our words, and we said things to each other that could no longer wait. That night we didn’t shout, we didn’t sing, and no one preached, but instead of having church we were church. With our tears, words, and hugs we were one.
Why do we wait? To express ourselves causes us to be vulnerable, and often there is an unspoken fear of what will happen if our expression isn’t reciprocated. The bible declares that there is no fear in love, and perfect love cast out all fear. If our expression is linked to response alone, love then can be reduced to a tool of manipulation. But real love performs regardless of the response, it is self-sacrificing.
My life, like everyone has had a myriad of trials, I have vacillated between mountaintops and valleys. 2 things that give me peace at night are 1.) Knowing that I am in the will of God, and operating in His purpose, knowing that I do what I was created to do. 2.) Knowing that I have expressed to my loved ones how much they mean to me. This second one took a little getting used to, but I discovered I would much rather live with knowing I said what I needed to say (Thanks John Mayer) as opposed to opportunities passing and me living the rest of my life with regret.
Ryan inspired me because in the passing of Care Pastor Durham she sent me an email letting me know how grateful she was for leadership and the role we play in her life. Then today, Ain, my dear Sister sent me an email, and said I sparked a new phenomenon of expression, and she proceeded to write me a letter telling me how I have impacted her life. I am not going to lie, (blogs are or should be transparent), it was so hard for me to read both Ryan and Ain’s correspondences, because it made me vulnerable, I have to learn that it is unfair to give love and deny it when it comes back. It would be silly to sew seeds of love and reject the harvest when it arrives. I must admit this is a covert defense mechanism that those in ministry or service must be aware of. Some of us often have no problem giving love, but when it comes to receiving love it makes us vulnerable, and because we perhaps have been hurt in the past we don’t want to receive something that can be taken away. My goal is to love like it is the first time, because Jesus does it every time after He forgives me.
So please, do not take life for granted. Our time on earth is temporal, and love will last forever, because God is love. Even death is a portal for new and deeper revelation of God. While you are here forgive quickly because God forgives you, love is activated when you release it, so love others, this is how people will know you are Christ’s disciple.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Reality Check
Dear God,
I love worship, because it provides a reality check. It is so easy to become consumed with the cares of this world. Healthcare, Kanye West's outburst on the Video Music Awards (so ironic how so many overt and covert messages of sin and anti-christ were presented in this program all under the auspices of entertainment. So grateful that while my flesh wanted to argue that I was being hyper-spiritual, my Spirit let me know there is no such thing and not to ignore when my Spirit speaks, because the same spiritual sensitivity will be needed to also hear You when you say “Come my people Come” in the rapture) and subsequent apology on the Jay Leno Show, working on the paper that is due this Friday, preparing a message for Sunday, new opportunities with my job and MTV, and speaking at a fundraiser this Saturday evening in the Bay Area. However in the midst of these concerns, I checked myself and was reminded by God that nothing is more important than God and the soon return of Jesus Christ. There is a feeling in the air and the world knows that we are on the edge of something great occurring. Forgive me for going days, weeks, and sometimes months without having a Godly perspective concerning life.
God my prayer is that you will connect me with you causing me to see reality and prioritize my life in a way that pleases you. Allow me to be examined thoroughly by the Holy Spirit so I can become more like you. Check my motives and make sure that I do the right things for the right reasons. The only way I can be an effective leader is if I am a diligent and dedicated follower and disciple of you. Prepare me for your imminent return. I don’t have time to be consumed or caught up with anything other than You. Let me see myself, others, and the world the way you see me. Let my heart mind and Spirit ascend through the power of worship, so I can be used by you to the fullest prior to your return. Intensify my consecration, and never allow me to confuse grace and liberties of Christ as pseudo-license to sin. God tonight I ask that your presence will envelope me in this room. Embrace me as I embrace you, for your word declared that if I draw nigh unto you, you will draw night unto me. I pray that all who read this note will be magnetically drawn to you in a way they have never felt before. Allow the warm embrace of Your Spirit to comfort and provide peace to all. Tonight, I don’t pray tonight for relationship stuff, career stuff, financial stuff, but my sole request is for more of you. Thank you for reminding me of what really matters and for providing a reality check. I love you and desire to be more like you. My desire is for You to see your reflection when You see me.
Love,
Christopher
I love worship, because it provides a reality check. It is so easy to become consumed with the cares of this world. Healthcare, Kanye West's outburst on the Video Music Awards (so ironic how so many overt and covert messages of sin and anti-christ were presented in this program all under the auspices of entertainment. So grateful that while my flesh wanted to argue that I was being hyper-spiritual, my Spirit let me know there is no such thing and not to ignore when my Spirit speaks, because the same spiritual sensitivity will be needed to also hear You when you say “Come my people Come” in the rapture) and subsequent apology on the Jay Leno Show, working on the paper that is due this Friday, preparing a message for Sunday, new opportunities with my job and MTV, and speaking at a fundraiser this Saturday evening in the Bay Area. However in the midst of these concerns, I checked myself and was reminded by God that nothing is more important than God and the soon return of Jesus Christ. There is a feeling in the air and the world knows that we are on the edge of something great occurring. Forgive me for going days, weeks, and sometimes months without having a Godly perspective concerning life.
God my prayer is that you will connect me with you causing me to see reality and prioritize my life in a way that pleases you. Allow me to be examined thoroughly by the Holy Spirit so I can become more like you. Check my motives and make sure that I do the right things for the right reasons. The only way I can be an effective leader is if I am a diligent and dedicated follower and disciple of you. Prepare me for your imminent return. I don’t have time to be consumed or caught up with anything other than You. Let me see myself, others, and the world the way you see me. Let my heart mind and Spirit ascend through the power of worship, so I can be used by you to the fullest prior to your return. Intensify my consecration, and never allow me to confuse grace and liberties of Christ as pseudo-license to sin. God tonight I ask that your presence will envelope me in this room. Embrace me as I embrace you, for your word declared that if I draw nigh unto you, you will draw night unto me. I pray that all who read this note will be magnetically drawn to you in a way they have never felt before. Allow the warm embrace of Your Spirit to comfort and provide peace to all. Tonight, I don’t pray tonight for relationship stuff, career stuff, financial stuff, but my sole request is for more of you. Thank you for reminding me of what really matters and for providing a reality check. I love you and desire to be more like you. My desire is for You to see your reflection when You see me.
Love,
Christopher
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