Fight For Your Smile

The simplest way to influence is smile “A leader’s smile can give people life; his kindness is like a spring rain” Proverbs 16:15 –Rick Warren author, Senior Pastor Saddleback Church

I must admit I have been extremely negligent in my blogging, with the completion of school, new opportunities in my career, and the chance to serve the youth on a larger scale both secular and spiritually my blogging has suffered. To that end I found it necessary to share a lesson God has been and continues to teach me: The Importance of being delivered from people and their inconsistencies to effectively minister to people consistently.

The word minister contrary to popular opinion doesn’t mean exclusivity, being catered to, and revered by the masses, but actually means to serve, to operate with humility while being attentive to the needs of others. Honestly nothing brings me more joy than serving others. It is my passion; it is what I do intrinsically with no ulterior motives or hidden agendas. While I enjoy receiving is pales in comparison to the joy of giving. I am hypersensitive to the needs of others, and will do anything in my power and through the power of God to ensure those needs are met. I am not talking about the myopic form of ministry of preaching or teaching, but I am referring to the preaching that occurs in the absence of words when the actions of my life resound in the lives of others. Just like a waiter who anticipates the needs of the customer, it is my desire to serve everyone I meet, it makes me smile.

I have been in a fight for my smile. With the more people we encounter the more opportunity we have to serve, but it also increases the opportunities to be vulnerable based on the position that true service places us in. While it is a gift to be sensitive to the needs of others, it also entails a danger where you can become susceptible to the negativity and criticism of those who you serve. It is here where I have seen so many and have even fallen into the trap myself of becoming biter, callous, and indifferent towards others. The mentality behind this behavior is hurt and insecurity and the desire not to feel this again. We then minimize love by only loving those who are convenient, and shout when the preacher talks about haters, but get extremely quiet when the preacher gives instructions to love our enemies. We often become the victim and adopt a victim mentality all the while there true self, heart, and passion, are being eroded slowly by unresolved pain, and ultimately we loose our smile.

If we loose this internal battle and succumb to bitterness we will lose our external smile, impact, and influence and belief in the ultimate good and potential in others. I have resolved this is not an option. Jesus’ inner circle of Peter, James, and John wanted to build Jesus a tabernacle in the moment of his glory on the Mount of Transfiguration, but were sleep in the garden of Gethsemane in the moment of is most intense pain and anguish. While some will indeed desire to tabernacle with you in the mountain the reality is they will sleep on you and abandon you in the moments of pain. If we can resist the urge to become bitter, we will see that Peter, James, and John will evolve into powerful world changers and ultimately we will rise from our pain and God will be glorified, and when God is glorified, my smile returns.

No, For Real This TIme

As a child I was extremely competitive. I have matured to a certain degree, and this competitive nature has matured and evolved to unwrap a drive inside that motivates me to pursue purpose. However, gotta keep it real, sometimes my competitive nature can’t be suppressed and manifests itself through a monopoly game or during domino game where my south central LA can come out. Currently my competitive nature is manifested as an extreme Lakers fan. I was dismayed after the Lakers loss on Christmas Day to LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers. I went outside and began to play basketball (I guess I thought somehow, I was at Staples Center and could have avenged the Lakes loss by my performance in the backyard) and I began to shoot free throws. Free throws are an interesting component of the game of basketball in that there is no defender and no opposition. The competition is within myself, and success or failure is contingent on my ability. The first time I was shooting, I shot ten shots and only made five. This was quite frustrating, because I knew I was better than that. No one knew I shot poorly, but I did. At that moment I said within myself, “You are better than that,” the next statement was “No for real, this time.” This statement was like pressing reset on Nintendo after you lost in Mario Brothers. This statement was like David repenting in Psalm 51, and saying, "Create in me a clean heart and renew a right Spirit within me." I re-focused, and then proceeded to make 8 of 10 free throws. To make sure the improvement wasn’t attributed to luck, I shot 10 more and made 9 of 10.

Often we have an underlying spirit of competition that drives us. We compete for the attention and affirmation of those we love. We compete to prove others wrong who have placed limitations on who or what we can be. When man is the source of our motivation, we can win their affirmation and discover that it was a prize without purpose. However when God is the source of our drive our purpose is realized. I have found that the greatest competition isn’t from external opposition but from internal opposition. Much like Jesus’ greatest battle wasn’t with scribes, Pharisees, or even those who crucified Him, but His greatest battle occurred within himself between His flesh and Spirit, in the Garden of Gethsemane. He ultimately he arrived a the conclusion I desire, Nevertheless not my will but your will be done.

No for real this time, I can’t expect things to change with the same behaviors and disciplines. Change is not haphazard or random, but it deliberate and intentional, and doesn’t happen for us, but happens through us. Just as I declared in the backyard, I am declaring in my life, I am better than that. I am better than sporadic emotional swings that are connected to relationship status, financial status, and circumstances. I am better than bitterness and unforgiveness. I am better than complacency and average. It is so cliché to say “This is My Year” the only way it will be your year is if you make definitive decisions punctuated by action to make it your year, otherwise 365 days from now we will be in the same place, with the same unrealized desires.

Our pursuit of God, is what ultimately matters, other subsequent pursuits even if realized at best are temporal. It is incumbent of us to pursue God with a reckless abandon with the assurance that His will encompasses the best for us in every area of our lives. Discipline and consistency will yield optimal results next year. Closeness of God is not experienced exclusively through how our emotions feel towards God, but rather through consistency and a daily pursuit of His presence. Disciplines such as prayer, fasting and bible study can’t be minimized. To pursue purpose without God and his word is the equivalent of trying to reach a destination without fuel and direction. Many youth and young adults have expressed a desire to know more of God’s word, and this demand has been met with the expansion of our Christian Education class to include ages 19 to 35. We have issued assignments and I am so impressed by the response of so many who have taken advantage of these opportunities to grow in God, and not be satisfied with the preachers revelation of God, but a real desire to learn His word for themselves. Please take advantage of these resources. Much of what we question and desire can be found in the word of God, however procrastination and complacency delays our spiritual and personal growth. No For real, this time May God increase my faith and commitment towards Him and may my actions become evidence of this increase.

May Gods will for our lives in 2010 be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Dear Mind, We need to talk...

Dear Mind,

We need to talk. This is a conversation that has been a long time coming. Actually, I need to talk to you, because it seems as if you have a tendency to dominate the conversation. Our relationship is complex to say the least. Sometimes you are so in sync with reality, and other times you create your own reality that is non-existent to everyone else but me. You dictate my actions, and provide direction, and I rely on you, which sometimes leads me with clarity to my pathway of purpose and other times to dead ends filled with confusion. Whenever good is on the horizon, you always remind me of all of the negative possibilities. It is as if you are afraid to have faith and go 100% because if you brace yourself it seemingly won’t hurt as bad if it doesn’t work out, I attribute this to your pride and ego. Because you are so smart, you never like to be wrong or hurt at any cost. As you think the worst, subsequently my expectation is minimized and I attract the worst possible scenario and you say “I told you so.” You would rather be secure and right in a bad situation than risk being vulnerable and expecting positive outcomes. This pseudo security is a poor cover for your insecurities.

This strategy has gotten us nowhere, and you know as well as I do, that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior while expecting different results. So no more bracing for the worst and creating negative realities that don’t existent, no more playing out scenarios that are driven by fear, because ultimately we know you have power, and if you dwell on fear, which is spirit not given by God it will attract negativity. If only you would focus on faith, we would not talk about the next dimension, but would perpetually dwell there. My entire attitude, demeanor, behavior and disposition is contingent on what you think. You have the ability to conjure up the shadiest schemes, to the extent that when you sin, you can’t call it “backsliding”, or plead insanity, because it was premeditated. There is a problem if you are thinking of your plan of repentance prior to your sin.

It’s not all your fault. I take responsibility. The truth is you are a product of what I feed you. Sometimes because I don’t want to be alone with you, I turn on the TV to anesthetize you, because I know when you and I are in the presence of God, we are always inspired and constantly challenged to be bigger than we are, to embrace greatness. You keep telling me “it’s only a little…” A little television, a little face book, a little conversation, a little secular music, When all of these “littles” are put together they become a lot. You are right these things aren’t sinful in and of themselves and often can help keep me grounded and balanced, but when not mingled with a little prayer, a little consecration, and a little bible reading (not the kind you do professionally to prepare to speak or to write a paper) you become a vacuum for negativity. So En Vogue, I hope you are right on this one, I am going to free my mind, with the expectation that the rest will follow. A new mind will produce a new me, that will house the capacity to embrace a new year filled with possibility.

I am frustrated with you at times to say the least; I am tired of the fluctuation that occurs in our relationship. At times I would love to severe our relationship, but the fact remains, I need you. I really need you, because when you are in sync with God, and His word, we are unstoppable. You are beautiful and creative. You never cease to amaze me. You find ways to express what my heart desires to convey to others. You entertain me; there are some flights when you simply amuse me for hours. At times you are brilliant. While I am often a prisoner of your analysis, you often liberate the sentiments of my heart to be conveyed to others. So God elevate my mind, my thoughts to your thoughts, and my ways to your ways. I choose faith over fear. I choose to think the best in every situation. I am loosing my mind, and I am realizing that sometimes you have to loose it, to renew it. Transform me by the renewing of my mind; this is my prayer in Jesus name.

Sincerely,
Christopher

Say What You Need to Say

Just arrived in Denver Colorado and during my time of reflection, I just want to share some of my thoughts…

Last week was tremendously difficult with the passing of Care Pastor Trenese Durham; I am so amazed with the resilience love, and strength of the Durham family. I sat late Saturday evening in the driveway across Deacon Durham, and sat across from one of the strongest, compassionate, committed, and loving men the world will ever know.

The day after her passing Tiana text me, and said, she just wanted to be close with the saints, this text turned into a evening I will never forget, thanks to the CWC Youth and Young Adult Ministries staff, we disseminated information via text, face book, and phone calls, and we gathered together for an evening that shifted our perspective for ever. One by one we shared our reflections of Pastor Durham, how she inspired each of us, and how we are going to accept the challenge of carrying her legacy in ministry. We wrote letters to God, loved ones, and then shared them with each other. The evening culminated with affirmations and validations. As we held hands in a circle we all began to realize the importance of our words, and we said things to each other that could no longer wait. That night we didn’t shout, we didn’t sing, and no one preached, but instead of having church we were church. With our tears, words, and hugs we were one.

Why do we wait? To express ourselves causes us to be vulnerable, and often there is an unspoken fear of what will happen if our expression isn’t reciprocated. The bible declares that there is no fear in love, and perfect love cast out all fear. If our expression is linked to response alone, love then can be reduced to a tool of manipulation. But real love performs regardless of the response, it is self-sacrificing.

My life, like everyone has had a myriad of trials, I have vacillated between mountaintops and valleys. 2 things that give me peace at night are 1.) Knowing that I am in the will of God, and operating in His purpose, knowing that I do what I was created to do. 2.) Knowing that I have expressed to my loved ones how much they mean to me. This second one took a little getting used to, but I discovered I would much rather live with knowing I said what I needed to say (Thanks John Mayer) as opposed to opportunities passing and me living the rest of my life with regret.

Ryan inspired me because in the passing of Care Pastor Durham she sent me an email letting me know how grateful she was for leadership and the role we play in her life. Then today, Ain, my dear Sister sent me an email, and said I sparked a new phenomenon of expression, and she proceeded to write me a letter telling me how I have impacted her life. I am not going to lie, (blogs are or should be transparent), it was so hard for me to read both Ryan and Ain’s correspondences, because it made me vulnerable, I have to learn that it is unfair to give love and deny it when it comes back. It would be silly to sew seeds of love and reject the harvest when it arrives. I must admit this is a covert defense mechanism that those in ministry or service must be aware of. Some of us often have no problem giving love, but when it comes to receiving love it makes us vulnerable, and because we perhaps have been hurt in the past we don’t want to receive something that can be taken away. My goal is to love like it is the first time, because Jesus does it every time after He forgives me.

So please, do not take life for granted. Our time on earth is temporal, and love will last forever, because God is love. Even death is a portal for new and deeper revelation of God. While you are here forgive quickly because God forgives you, love is activated when you release it, so love others, this is how people will know you are Christ’s disciple.

Reality Check

Dear God,

I love worship, because it provides a reality check. It is so easy to become consumed with the cares of this world. Healthcare, Kanye West's outburst on the Video Music Awards (so ironic how so many overt and covert messages of sin and anti-christ were presented in this program all under the auspices of entertainment. So grateful that while my flesh wanted to argue that I was being hyper-spiritual, my Spirit let me know there is no such thing and not to ignore when my Spirit speaks, because the same spiritual sensitivity will be needed to also hear You when you say “Come my people Come” in the rapture) and subsequent apology on the Jay Leno Show, working on the paper that is due this Friday, preparing a message for Sunday, new opportunities with my job and MTV, and speaking at a fundraiser this Saturday evening in the Bay Area. However in the midst of these concerns, I checked myself and was reminded by God that nothing is more important than God and the soon return of Jesus Christ. There is a feeling in the air and the world knows that we are on the edge of something great occurring. Forgive me for going days, weeks, and sometimes months without having a Godly perspective concerning life.

God my prayer is that you will connect me with you causing me to see reality and prioritize my life in a way that pleases you. Allow me to be examined thoroughly by the Holy Spirit so I can become more like you. Check my motives and make sure that I do the right things for the right reasons. The only way I can be an effective leader is if I am a diligent and dedicated follower and disciple of you. Prepare me for your imminent return. I don’t have time to be consumed or caught up with anything other than You. Let me see myself, others, and the world the way you see me. Let my heart mind and Spirit ascend through the power of worship, so I can be used by you to the fullest prior to your return. Intensify my consecration, and never allow me to confuse grace and liberties of Christ as pseudo-license to sin. God tonight I ask that your presence will envelope me in this room. Embrace me as I embrace you, for your word declared that if I draw nigh unto you, you will draw night unto me. I pray that all who read this note will be magnetically drawn to you in a way they have never felt before. Allow the warm embrace of Your Spirit to comfort and provide peace to all. Tonight, I don’t pray tonight for relationship stuff, career stuff, financial stuff, but my sole request is for more of you. Thank you for reminding me of what really matters and for providing a reality check. I love you and desire to be more like you. My desire is for You to see your reflection when You see me.

Love,
Christopher

The Potential Concerns and Benefits of Social Networking featuring Alicia Sheppard

Social networking is sweeping the world. Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc are all realities that have infiltrated our world and have been woven into the fabric of our culture. When one is immersed in various facets of social networking it is often difficult to see what is happening as opposed to stepping back and observing from a panoramic view to gain a better perspective.

Potential Concerns

Technology a vehicle that was used to bring us together is often something that causes separation. While in Pasadena I met my family for dinner after class at Maggiano’s in the Grove. I found it interesting that once we were all seated, we made sure that everyone’s phones were off to guarantee that we actually had a family dinner. In the 21st century I would submit that while the world is more interconnected than ever it is simultaneously more disconnected than ever. Many people miss the magnitude of the moment, because their attention is constantly shared and diverted towards the various devices that are included with their cell phones.

With facebook, it can become addicting. There are some people who are constantly online with facebook, and I wonder if in some ways have they logged off of life? Or is life in sleep mode? Perhaps behind consistent connection to facebook is a cry for real connection and a subtle acknowledgement of internal disconnect. The day I recognized I needed to check myself was when I woke up and reached to check my facebook on my phone before getting on my knees to pray. That let me know I had an issue that desperately needed to be addressed. My priorities needed realignment quickly! Another concern is life becoming entertainment. Since I know that people will check my page, the temptation could ensue to present a show of myself that is entertaining which may stem from an underlying desire for affirmation and validation.
So now life has the danger of becoming a reality show, a version of the truth that is edited to gain ratings and approval. People will go for the jugular in an attempt to re-present themselves in a fashion that will capture attention. Not only are we the stars of the show but also the consumers. Updates become news, and we run the risk of becoming “a busy body in other men’s matters I Peter 4:15.” Facebook places me in danger of becoming entertained and in other people’s business instantly. As a result we might only see our facebook friends as characters, instead of actual people with actual hearts and spirits.
Another potential danger is the pseudo anonymity that facebook provides. One can hide behind the keyboard and express themselves in ways that they would normally not do in real life. It is far easier to click on a “friend request” as opposed to actually approaching a person and establishing a genuine friendship.

So before I further put myself in a position as anti-facebook individual, I must acknowledge the reason for acknowledging the potential dangers is so they can be avoided and the benefits of social networking can fully be embraced. I can’t begin to talk about the potential power of unity and connection. I have reconnected with so many individuals from elementary, junior, senior high school, and college who have shared their spiritual journeys and where they are now. The testimonies and words of encouragement posted on facebook have often been the words of encouragement that I needed. Just to see how individuals have matured and have careers and families is a tremendous blessing and quite encouraging.

As a matter of fact, I made the acquaintance of a young lady at a wedding (What’s up Lal and Tiana?!) in the past, and reconnected with her via facebook and discovered that she is an author http://www.thesheppardstouch.net/Alicias_Page.html (I am aspiring to be one myself) and has an undeniable passion and love for God. as a matter I asked her to write the 2nd half of this blog and address the potential benefits of Social networking, and she so graciously obliged! So here is Ms. Alicia Sheppard:

Potential Benefits

I have to admit, I find it almost difficult to continue because at times I find myself falling into the same potentially unhealthy habits listed above that “facebook culture” can encourage. And my blackberry doesn’t help with that flashing red light that lets me know whenever I have a new notification! Certainly we need to remember that various forms of entertainment and technology, online communities included, can become distractions or even addictions if we let them, and can actually reduce the quality of our time with God and others. But, if used correctly, social networking can be a positive addition to our lives. Like many things, it’s a terrible foundation, but a very useful accessory.

For me during college, friends and social events were not only plentiful, but they were highly accessible. Class, dorms, the quad, the library, the cafeteria, and the gym were all places where you ran into people you knew all the time. Life after college, however, is a little different—work, bills, and an apartment are the more common fixtures of daily life and have much less built-in fun and socializing (thank God for our church communities!). Many young adults feel isolated outside of the school environment because friends are farther away and social gatherings require a lot more work and planning to put together. Social networking is a way to recreate some of that accessibility to friends and loved ones again. After all, it’s not God’s plan for us to sulk alone in our isolated corners. God’s word says “it is not good for man to be alone,” (Gen 2:18). I believe that principle not only applies to God’s design for marriage, but also to God’s plan for human life in general—a life that is to be characterized by fellowship and relationships. Online communities are used for good when they aid us in maintaining those relationships, especially with people whom we might not interact with regularly otherwise. “We’ll keep in touch” is no longer an empty cliché thrown out there just to be polite. In some cases facebook was the only way I was able to keep up with out-of-state friends’ marriages, graduations, new babies, or other major milestones!

In the New Testament, we see how the apostles really prioritized maintaining connections with the early churches. They sent requests for help, words of encouragement, prayer requests, and even testimonies to one other. But because of the lack of technology, communication usually involved sending hand-written letters or undertaking long journeys by foot or boat. Thank goodness we don’t have to do all of that anymore. Imagine that now, the body of Christ is able to continue to make interconnection a priority, but we can do so with the click of a button! Just last week one of my facebook friends posted a prayer request in her status for a friend who had been hospitalized. She asked for the prayer warriors to rally together and intercede, and within minutes, many had posted words of encouragement, reassuring her they had already begun praying! Matthew 18:20 says, “Where are two or three are gathered, there I am in the midst of them,” and in this instance many more than that had responded in just moments! How awesome that on a random weeknight we have the ability to instantly connect with other believers this way.

But not only can we reach out to our spiritual family, we can also reach out to those who don’t know God. We have the ability to spread truth rapidly. I’ve been surprised at the ways a little facebook thread about a particular scripture or a posted video clip of an inspiring message has opened up a dialog with people who don’t have a relationship with Christ. There have been times when I thought to myself, “This person is not going to care about this post!” But every time I have decided to share part of my faith with people the Lord put on my heart, it’s always led to at least one conversation. That should encourage us to really use these communities as opportunities to be a light for God to those in darkness. Now the REAL challenge is to do that more often.

Lastly, don’t forget the value of good old-fashioned clean fun! After all, “a merry heart does good like medicine!” (Proverbs 17:22). Every now and then we just need a good laugh—a release from the stresses and burdens of the day. How many times have you logged on to a social networking site and seen a post from someone that just gave you the biggest laugh you’d had all day? Laughter is a ministry, and a much needed one! In fact, the entertainment value and levity of sites like facebook can even be the light that attracts unbelievers to your page, because they realize you are human like them, and can have fun without compromising your integrity! Then you can sprinkle in some salt (the Word) to also edify.
Beware of the potential dangers and then maximize the benefits—who knows who you’ll be able to connect (or in my case today, RE-connect) with!

Thank you so much Alicia! Ultimately, like impact of social networking is determined based on one’s motivation, balance and prioritization. God, in all things teach us investigate and purify our motives, teach us balance, and allow our priorities to begin with you as primary in our lives. As a result when people connect with us through any medium allow them to connect with You, and Your love, and Your power, this in my prayer, in Jesus Name, Amen.

An Inside Look at the Process

In our culture we often reveal the product of our success while keeping the process a secret. Others are then unable to duplicate our success because we have hidden what it takes to get there. One of my favorite shows on MTV was “Making the Video.” It allowed the viewer to see the behind the scenes raw footage that went into making the polished finish product. This week I am preparing for a message that will equip, and empower individuals in the areas of sexuality and relationships. I am certain that by Sunday, God will give me the finished product, but I just want to share the behind the scenes footage and my personal process.

This process mimics that of the High Priest in the Hold Testament served as a liaison or mediator between God and mankind. 2 Corinthians 5:18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; We all are given the responsibility of representing God to mankind causing the world to become connected with Him though us.

It is 3:30 a.m. and prior to being used by God in any fashion there is a spiritual detox that happens. A spiritual, emotional, and mental emptying must occur. The degree to which we are empty determines the capacity to which God can fill us.

The Old Testament High Priest went through a similar process (stopping at the laver, lamp stand, altar of incense, the table of Showbread the veil, and ultimately arriving in the Most Holy Place, where the presence of God resided) where gradually He became more like God, as He prepared to see God face to face. True Worship of God is when we stand face to face in His presence and God sees Himself in us and us in Him. The High Priest stopped at the brazen altar, a place of repentance. It is here where I acknowledge everything that is not like God, and relinquish and turn away from it. This process is not always easy. Sometimes hurt that we experience can produce bitterness and resentment. We then can feel entitled to hold on to it, however when God looks at us, it is our desire for Him to see His reflection in us, and He doesn’t have bitterness and resentment, but unconditional love.

The Old Testament High Priest alluded to Jesus the ultimate High Priest, who was 100%man and 100% God. He represents man to God, meaning He takes on all of our sins, inadequacies, and deficiencies, goes beyond the veil on our behalf to atone and cover what is not like God. After coming from the most Holy Place, the High Priest then represents God to man. Jesus, this morning as I aspire to be an effective mediator like you, I attempt to place myself in your position and now I have nothing but gratitude.

Jesus it effects and hurts you personally when I sin. Often I find it hard to imagine how Judas could betray you, and Peter deny you and I forget the times when I have embodied both of them through my behavior. Yet you don’t allow your personal hurt to stop your assignment of going to God on my behalf. To be effective in ministry you have to be exposed and vulnerable enough to be touched by people. This exposure can lead to hurt however being a victim can’t take precedence over the assignment of connecting people with God. What has happened personally that is coming between the profession or calling and responsibility that God has given you? Give these hurts to the Ultimate High priest, so you can effectively be used by God to bless His people. What you have gone through is a vehicle to take you to what God wants for you. Embrace the process and God will reveal a new you in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Now the World Premiere of he New You…

Prepare a Fish: God's Sovereignty vs. Man's Freewill

During my random musings (I have far too many of them), I have been contemplating God’s Sovereignty vs. Man’s Freewill. God has all power; yet His power doesn’t interfere with our free-will. Sometimes, in my limited thinking I have wished that God would make the right choices for me, and cause others that affect me to make the “right” choices that were in my best interest, thus eliminating any stress and heart ache creating the perfect life. This formula to a perfect life is flawed because it eliminates the expression of love through choice. It is so powerful and such a gift when one individual chooses to love another. Not coerced, mandated, but simply chooses.

The reason why my desire for God to make the right decisions was present is because I feel like ultimately His will is best for me. Often, in my willful ignorance or unintentionally I miss God’s will and feel like I subject myself to less than the best. Now my prayer is that God will synchronize His will with mine; That I will be wise enough to surrender my will to His, and that I will be patient as His will unfolds and is made manifest in my life. I wouldn’t consider myself a perfectionist, but I don’t like to settle. I would have a difficult time looking myself in the mirror knowing that I aborted the will of God because of impatience, discomfort, or limited capacity to perceive and receive His will. It would be equally disappointing if I designed a counterfeit will of God and plagiarized God’s signature as if it was really His. I can’t do it, and I won’t do it.

God you chose to send your only Son because you loved me. I respond by surrendering and saying yes to you. Yes when I can’t understand. (I am hearing in my Spirit Men of Standard Feels like Rain cd “I’m Staying in Your Will” classic) Thank you for providing space for choice because choice allows space for authentic genuine love to be expressed. It is hard to choose with only one option, but I choose you God in the midst of a plethora of options. In those moments when I am hesitant to say yes, or when I say no like Jonah did, please prepare a fish for me. Prepare an incubator that will swallow me up until I mature and come to my senses and the realization that You know what’s best. Just don’t let me stay too long; allow the fish to spit me back up so I can do what I should have been doing in the 1st place. God I love you, not because you make me, but because I choose to. Thank you for choosing and loving me.

other random thoughts (go Lakers winning game 1 of the Western Conference Finals and I like the song "Trust" with Keyshia Cole and Monica, and off to Canada for a couple of days, Spiritual Fitness Sunday was great, and Bishop House "Energized" us that evening!)

Dress Rehearsal

If you really knew me, I love arts and creativity. I love music and my favorite moment is when I hear a song and I feel like the lyrics were stolen from my heart. I also love culinary arts (What’s up Ryan & Bro. Christian?!) One day if the Lord should tarry, I would love to have an upscale restaurant and a contemporary internet café, similar to Panera Bread and The Corner Bakery Café with a Christian theme. I also would have loved to be an actor. The ability to personify a character is indescribable. I have had a few acting stints in my career, through Illustrated Sermons at Covenant Worship Center. (The Tree (still can’t believe I allowed myself to be Adam in that costume!) and The Hell Zone (Pastor Woods was James Bond and escaped the gates of Hell!) What I remember the most are dress rehearsals. Dress rehearsals would take the play to another level. The words on the script came alive. The stage was set. The characters were in position. The intent of a dress rehearsal is to perform the play just as if it were the actual performance. Often the cast would not realize the importance of the dress rehearsal and would crack jokes while in costume, ignore the director’s sense of urgency believing that things would just come together.

I am concerned that we are in the greatest dress rehearsal of our life and many may not recognize it. The script of the bible concerning the end times (Matthew 24) is unfolding right before our eyes, and many still think there is time before the actual performance while the Director of Heaven and Earth is preparing us with a desperate since of urgency.

The Stage is Set.
The swine flu gives us insight to how the world could possibly be when plagues and pestilences are released during times of the tribulation. The interdependence of our world through culture and economy is already present. Natural disasters including hurricanes, tsunamis, and earthquakes are all indications for the world to prepare for the coming of the Lord. (Romans 8:19-23) Trouble in American Economy impacts the world’s economy. CNN and the World Wide Web allow information to be disseminated globally with the click of a button. The stage is set for a ruler who is Charismatic to come with all of the alleged solutions to the worlds problems. Headlines from the bible are literally on our television screens. This is without question the dress rehearsal. As Noah prepared the ark, the world ignored the preparation of the ark until it was too late, and they were on the outside looking in. Just like Sodom and Gomorra ignored warning until it was too late.

What is the cast doing?
Are we as the church the bride and body of Christ preparing like we should? Have I lost sight of the director? Have I become so familiar with the directors words that I no longer hear His voice? Do I go through this rehearsal non-chalant because I think there are many rehearsals to come? Wake up, snap out of it! Nothing matters more than seeing my God’s face in peace. Often the church lives in the future perpetually and looses sight of the importance and impact of the present. Time is of the essence. Every day I must make decisions that mold and make me into the image of Christ. I must make a conscious effort to prepare myself for the return of Christ. Matthew 24:44 44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh. Don’t spend your time majoring in minors. Money is important, but it is not the primary thing. Relationships are important, but they aren’t the primary thing. Promotion and progression are important but aren’t the main things. Matthew 16:24-26 24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? I now understand what the older saints meant when they declared, “I am living to live again!”

We are called to be salt of the earth and the light of the world. The greater the darkness, the greater the light should shine. The world is counting on the church to shine in this hour. It is time to be about our father’s business. John 9:4-5 4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work. 5 As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.

All right it’s getting late in New Jersey, so back to studying and watching the Lakers game! (Don’t hate on my multi-tasking)

The Truth about Contradiction

Senator Arlen Specter has decided to switch his allegiance from Republican to Democrat which could dramatically impact the Senate. Typically many of the conservative views of Republicans and their undeniable allegiance to Israel; God’s chosen people, aligns with many biblical views. With that said much contradiction remains when it appears as if many of the policy issues that impact the middle class are overlooked and as many Democrats attempt to reconcile these economic issues the Republicans respond with the ideology government should not intervene. Non intervention led to Lehman brothers and lies, deceit and mortgage crisis. Non intervention has led us to the worst predicament since The Great Depression, which was remedied through government intervention.

Historically in the church arena contradiction and consternation have existed. Calvinist believed in church government and meetings, while Lutherans readily subscribe to the notion that the bible is the ultimate authority, not popes, or councils. While this is true theoretically in actuality the bible is often interpreted differently which is what led to the need for councils and discussions. Today those who present the truth often do it without love in an abrasive fashion which ostracizes the world. Those who are “seeker sensitive” often are accused of minimizing the truth to reach the masses.

Personally this same contradiction resides within each of us between the flesh and the spirit. The reason why we are so perturbed and annoyed by contradiction and hypocrisy in others is because if calls out the hypocrisy that resides within ourselves. How can one be so anointed and gifted and still struggle with issues regarding character and the flesh? Romans 7:21-25 21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. 22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. (Thank you Paul for unveiling this contradiction)

Ambiguity dominates our world. It sets the stage for the Anti-Christ (read 2 Thessalonians 2) as the mystery of iniquity is already at work. Satan has a Masters of Arts in Perversion. He takes what is inherently good created by God and attempts to distort it for evil. The world is so filled with hypocrisy that the Anti-Christ can easily emerge with a message of peace and safety, which will be followed by sudden destruction.

So the question is how do I separate the original good from the perverted evil? The Anabaptist removed themselves from society and the culture of the world all together; however this isolation prevents us from impacting the world for Christ. The answer to hypocrisy and ambiguity is truth. John 17:17 17 Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. What lies have I inherited? What lies have I told to myself? What fiction have I convinced myself to believe that are facts? From this day forward I choose to define myself based on the word of God exclusively. Jesus is the only one who can tackle the internal ambiguity inside of me and the external ambiguity of the world. I have always desired the truth, but I couldn’t handle the truth, but if I am going to become the reflection of God that I was created to be, I must embrace truth.

Practice What You Preach

I was afforded the distinct honor and privilege of presenting the word of God on this past Palm Sunday. Palm Sunday marks the beginning of what is commonly referred to as Passion Week; the most significant week in the Christtian faith, beginning with Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem, through Ash Wednesday, Good Friday, and culminating with Resurrection Sunday. My message was entitled “A Lot Can Change in a Week”. I was so elated when I discovered that a woman sat on a bench outside of the church during the message of the 9am service and felt compelled to come in and received the Holy Ghost during the 11:30 service. That afternoon I spent time with the Russell’s (another young couple who inspires me shout out Robinson's, Meje’s and Jones-Bey’s in no particular order lol) attended the Master builders Men’s Ministry Fellowship, and celebrated Ain’s 35th birthday. I enjoyed being around people, and I felt like this afternoon simply prolonged the inevitable.

After ministering there usually is a deep place of reflection and introspection. It is impossible to minister effectively and not become vulnerable and exposed, therefore causing you to become susceptible to the enemy. It is a blessing to those who have relationships and divine connections with individuals who can cover you during these times of extreme post ministry spiritual exposure. As I drove home silence became loud and my consternation became intense. God responded and reminded me to “Practice what you preach”

The points of the message concerning Passion Week were:
Seize the Moment- Every moment counts. If Jesus disdained earlier moments of His earthly ministry He would have been disqualified for the moment that would altar the course of the world and humanity for ever. Passion Week was possible because of what He did prior to Passion Week.

If you Don’t Define Yourself, People will do it for you- As Jesus entered Jerusalem on Sunday people waved Palm branches and hailed “Hosanna, Blessed is the King of Israel, that comes in the name of the Lord!” On Friday the same people were saying, “Give us Barabas, and crucify him!” He didn’t change but there definition of Him changed. He remained constant in the midst of fluctuation.

You Can’t Conceal What God wants to Reveal- When Jesus was at the marriage of Cana of Galilee and they ran out of wine, His mother asked him to come and perform the miracle of replenishing the supply. Jesus responded and asked his mother, “Why would you involve me with this miracle? My hour is not come yet, (NIV my time is not yet)” However during this Passion Week, Jesus couldn’t be concealed anymore, all of Him was about to be revealed.

Passion + Purpose = Destiny
Passion may get you there, but when passion begins to flee it is purpose that will keep you there. While in the Garden of Gethsemane, His passion said if it be possible, let this cup pass, but His purpose said nevertheless not my will but thy will be done.

The Lord reminded me, that I can’t focus on my past or future, but must use my present to ameliorate the pain of my past, and use my present as a catalyst to change my future. The Lord stressed to me the importance of remaining consistent in the midst of inconsistent circumstances. While the revealing process might be painful, the suffering of the present time is not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us! (That was tight, should have said that Sunday!) And finally, I can’t allow anything to cause me to forfeit my purpose.

If Jesus could change the world in a week, why can’t I through the power of God, change my world this week? The world went from being a slave to the curse of sin to being liberated through Jesus in a week. Jesus went from being beneath the ground to above the ground in a week. He rode in on a donkey and rode off on clouds. Jesus teaches us a valuable lesson: the way you go in is the way you are coming out. He entered triumphantly into Jerusalem to face the trial of His life, and had a triumphant exit from the grave! It’s my turn!

(All right, that's a wrap, I had dinner at my favorite restaurant in Chicago, Texas De Brazil and a piece of chocolate cake is calling my name! I love my job, I was in New York last week and spent time in Chicago this week, it is so crazy to have restaurant spots in multiple cities (In New York Little Vinnies Italian food on 1st and 1st is bomb also!, finally get Israel's new CD!!!!)

Selah: Pause, Reflect, and Praise

I love being hit by the word of God. Some go to church and play dodge ball; believing the objective is not to be hit by the word. The word has revealed to me that in my efforts to progress in every area of my life, I rarely if ever, take a moment to pause and acknowledge what God has done. I thank Him frequently, but it is on the way to accomplishing the next feat. There is significance to the pause. After some Psalms you will find the word Selah, which means to pause reflect and lift up and exalt.

The pause gives time for reflection, assessment, and helps determine the next course of action. It is so unfortunate I am getting this lesson during the latter stage of my 20’s which is a time period filled with pursuit and positioning. I received a picture (thanks Kaycee) from my High school prom, as I looked back at the picture; I recognized how special that time was. I thought about the relationships that were formed and those that have persisted. I took for granted walking through the halls, spending time with friends during lunch, and extra curricular activities. At the time, my only thoughts were about graduation. I never paused to think that later in life, I am going to reminisce on these days, so instead of complaining I am should enjoy them.

I took some UC Berkeley students to lunch on Friday, and I didn’t recognize how much I enjoyed my undergraduate experience until years latter while visiting the campus. I was again so anxious to graduate I didn’t recognize how beneficial that time period was to my life. Prophetess Janet Jackson was right, “You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone” It is amazing how I long for what was right in front of me, and it isn’t until what was in front of me is gone that I appreciate what I had. This trend must stop. How tragic would it be to miss life, because you were too busy living it?

During the creation process, God would pause and say, “It was good.” Upon the culmination of the creation process on the 7th day He paused and rested. In the Old Testament the Sabbath was established, it was a day of rest where no work was to be done. Jesus brought rest and became the Lord of the Sabbath, however while the day is fulfilled through Jesus, the principal of rest yet remains. When David was bringing the Ark of the Covenant from the house of Obededom to the City of David, after 6 paces, he stopped offered sacrifice, praised, and danced before the Lord.

It has been longer than 6 paces, but it is time for me to stop and praise. Lord, I often pause and complain, but forgive me for not pausing and praising. Thank you for where I am right now. Thank you for spiritual growth that I didn’t know was possible. Thank you for giving me a job where this week I witnessed, reclusive young people transform to being able to share about being beaten with extension cords, generational anger issues, addictions to cocaine and heroin, miscarriages during teenage pregnancy, victims of gang violence, and come to me after and say, “You changed my life.” Some people go their entire life and never hear those words. Thank you for revealing my purpose and allowing me to be immersed in my purpose for being here. Thank you for the opportunities to be used by you and to share your word. I refuse to look back years later on today, and miss how great the life is that I have currently because I was focusing on problems or exclusively looking to the future.

Psalms of Lament and Thanksgiving

A Psalm of Lament

My spirit is broken, on life support. My faith breathes for me because I can no longer breathe for myself. As I lay still on my bed, lifeless, I can no longer distinguish the night from the day. The seasons change, but every day I feel the winter cold. When will my season change? How long will I feel this way? I cry out to God desperately in anguish and instead of a response I hear the echoes of an empty room. I know you are real; you have manifested your power before for me and for others. I have read about how you delivered Joseph, how you made a woman whole after 12 years, how you have spoken to a man with an infirmity and he began to walk. But I yet remain in the pit, I still deal with my issue, and I am still on my bed of affliction. My faith for the deliverance of others is abundant, as I proclaim your power, I see you working on their behalf, but personal disappointment has left my personal faith account depleted. I have gripped the life of my dreams only to have it dropped and broken. Now I wonder if you will give me blessings that are exceedingly abundantly above all I can ask or think, or if I will compromise my dreams and settle for mediocrity. I consider death as an option and my lifeless spirit responds with a faint pulse, a stubborn resolve that refuses to die. Your word reminds me so gently that faith the size of mustard scene can move mountains. My purpose reminds me that you can’t die until I am revealed. My vision begins to emanate from the dark clouds. God deliver me for your names’ sake. When I am delivered I will not forget that it was your hand that has made me to rejoice. I will boldly declare your majesty and power to all.

A Psalm of Thanksgiving

I long for and remember the days when life simple, when innocence and purity were present in every area of life. I remember when my connection with you was so natural and uninhibited. I was an empty vessel, ready to be filled with your word, power and glory. But I didn't know that experience produces power and glory. What was once pure and organic has become contaminated. I wish I remembered the day when things started to change, when the erosion occurred, when the slow fade began. Like the calm before the storm, my life has undergone destruction, and devastation, what I once known is no more. Now I wonder displaced, dejected, and with questions. My prayers have become questions, often questions without answers. Day by day I began to feel distant. Distant from you, distant from myself, because without you there is no me. There were times when I know I walked away from you, and also times when I felt like you weren’t close to me. As I currently pray, you remind me of my original prayer, to be used by you totally, I made a vow to you on the night I received your Spirit that if you fill me with your power, I will never walk away from you. I thought I desired purpose and power, but was unaware of the process that yields those results. You have birthed and commitment and resilience in my Spirit that can’t be broken, and part of me hates to admit, that the process you allowed was the process necessary. What I have believed has changed, but who I believe will never change.

I am taking an Old Testament course this semester, and here was a brief assignment, and these were the instructions given by the Professor. So I am passing them to you, write a Psalm of your own, either a Psalm of Lament or Thanksgiving and then post in on the blog, and lets be blessed by each others Psalms!

Lament Instructions:
Decide who are the people in need that you are praying for: your church, your city, your people, another person our yourself. Remind yourself and God of key facts about who God is or things God has done in the past. Tell God straight about the need (about the facts, the feelings, the fears) Tell God you still trust - or tell him you can no longer trust. Tell God what you want, in one line. Listen for God’s answer, and/or imagine you have heard God’s answer. Respond to the answer.

Thanksgiving Instructions:
Decide who are the people you are testifying for.
Tell the story of how things were: (when you were doing fine, how things collapsed, how you prayed, the way God answered, the difference God’s answer made. Express how you now feel. Say what your attitude towards God will be in the future. Tell other people what difference this should make to them. Talk more about God than about you.

For any kind of Psalm, remember:
You don’t have to include all the above aspects or keep to that order.
Decide what needs to be said in the light of these possibilities. Express yourself in images. Don’t blame yourself unless you’ve got special reason. Reflect your own experiences but do so indirectly, so other people can identify with them. Say things more than once, in different words.

New Year, New Heart

Jeremiah 17:9-10 9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? 10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

Heart: Hebrew: leb 1) inner man, mind, will, heart, understanding
Heart: Greek: kardi,a kardia {kar-dee'-ah} that organ in the animal body which is the centre of the circulation of the blood, and hence was regarded as the seat of physical life 1) denotes the centre of all physical and spiritual life, 2a) the soul or mind, as it is the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, endeavours
Deceitful: Hebrew: {aw-kobe'} 1) deceitful, sly, insidious, slippery
Wicked: Hebrew: {aw-nash'} 1) to be weak, sick, frail, to be incurable

So according to Jeremiah, our heart/inner man, will, is deceitful, sly, insidious, and slippery, the heart is weak, frail and incurable, and who can know it?

I have discovered that a vast majority of issues that many encounter are relational issues. On one hand it is our vertical relationship between us and God, and on the other hand, it is our horizontal relationships with others.

Significant relationships require love, and love requires the involvement of the heart. Therefore if we are to have successful, vibrant, God inspired relationships of any kind, it is incumbent of us to address the heart. The heart is internal, and it is difficult to diagnose the condition of the heart by looking on the outside individual. The Lord told Samuel “... man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” So let’s take an honest in depth at the heart…

What is the condition of my heart?
(normally I would use the pronoun we/our to make it generic, but I will be the guinea pig and put myself out there)
I’ve discovered that my heart is strong for others. I pride myself on being compassionate and a conduit of love that flows from God through me to the world. Personally my heart is damaged and fragile (this blog is becoming way to personal.) not in a victimized sense of the word, where I desire pity but in a realistic sense. Don’t get it twisted my heart is also deceitful. I have a tendency to love in matrix that don’t require me to have the love reciprocated (i.e. ministry and professional life). When people validate me in these scenarios, I immediately give it back to God. Very little risk is required on my end; however, it is deceitful because it isn’t just about giving it to God, it’s about a subtle fear of being vulnerable and exposed to rejection so I share my love in these areas that don’t expose me personally. Ultimately in regards to serving others, I expect nothing in return, and if love is reciprocated, I give it back to God while I remain emotionally distant from the equation.

How did it become this way?
Spiritually speaking my heart became strong from trusting God, and following His word, allowing his love to fill my heart. My heart has also incurred damage through disappointment with God, where I have become bitter and disheartened when my reality doesn’t seem to match my expectations of God and His word. This trend is prevalent personally, from childhood, through adolescence, into adulthood when exposing our hearts to individuals whose words don’t match behaviors, these actions can chip away and slowly erode our heart. As a result trust is broken, confidence is shattered and hearts become critical, cynical, jaded, and fearful. Instead of allowing ourselves to feel, driven by fear we protect our heart in many ways which is dangerous because it interferes with experiencing real God love. For God, fear and love are mutually exclusive. 1 John 4:18 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

How does this impact the way I live my life?
Some respond to the hurt and pain of their past, by switching roles allowing the victim to be the perpetrator. In actuality, the new perpetrator remains a victim, because they are living without the innocence they once had, allowing love to be less than pure and a game based on calculation and manipulation. Therefore this response is not a viable option.
It affects the way I live because, even on a personal level often I love to the extent that doesn’t require me to trust or be affected. The moment I decide to trust I am exposed to another person. To combat this fear, often I would allow a person inside and then reject them when they got close to my comfort zone, not recognize what I was rejecting, was really what I desired. In a weird way, I would sabotage or hurt myself so I didn’t have to experience hurt from the other party. (Craziness! the bible is right the heart is a trip, who could know it?) Don’t get it twisted, I have learned (and continue to learn) to use extreme discretion before giving your heart to an individual. But even after we decide (this is a conscious decision, and remember decisions come with a responsibility and a duty, so make wise decisions) to take the risk, I have learned not to trust the person, but to trust the God that is inside of the person. Which is why it is difficult to have a meaningful relationship with anyone who is not connected to God, and allowing God to shape and mold them in His image. It is imperative that a person loves God more than they love you. Not just in words, but in action. It takes time for actions to manifest themselves. Time provides multiple scenarios and situations to discover who a person is. If you want to know what something is made of, you change the environment. I used to subscribe to the theory, when people tell you about themselves believe them, I would add an addendum to that, when people show you themselves, believe that as well.

So God I need you in essence to choose for me. If my heart according to the word is slippery and deceitful, I do not want to make decisions from this corrupt place. I can’t “follow my heart,” but I desire now to follow your heart. Perhaps my heart needs to be broken so I can have a heart transplant, where your heart beats inside of me. So that is where I have arrived, I am tired of operating on myself alone. I need you to be my cardiologist and Create in me a clean heart and renew a right Spirit. Please schedule my surgery immediately.

A Thief In the Night

Okay this is getting ridiculous, my third blog this week! I feel like my best friend is becoming this blog page. (pathetic if you ask me lol) So I had a phenomenal Christmas with my family, we prayed and the power of God was in our home, I really felt like the true meaning of Christmas was recognized this morning. In addition to countless texts and phone calls with family and friends, a wonderful dinner, the Lakers won! Okay, that is not what prompted me to write. I was watching television and Direct TV was airing on the God channel “A Thief in the Night” made in 1973 with patty Dunning, Mike Niday, and Colleen Niday. This movie set in Des Moines Iowa so vividly captures the rapture on a level that changed my life as a child like never before. (Here’s the wilkapedia sight on the movie: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Thief_in_the_Night)

It was a cold Friday Night at the Apostolic Faith Home Assembly, and I was upstairs in a building called Douglas Memorial Hall, and the images from the movie were imbeded in my mind. They took the messages of the bible and captured them in cinematic form. Along with the bible, Fred Hammond Pages of Life chapters 1 and 2, add this movie to your Spiritual Survival kit. This was a powerful evangelism tool. It sparked fear (for real like even the soundtrack evokes great emotion, they have this slow song called You’ve Been Left Behind! Crazy), but this fear drove me to a relationship with God based on love. I am currently watching the scene when the rapture has just occurred and Rev. Turner who didn’t preach the word is talking to Patty after the rapture, he asks himself "How many did I mislead? How many are still here because of me?!" I resolved long ago I would not be Rev. Turner, I would not fail to teach about the rapture, see most recently the message the “The Wedding Planner.” I take it seriously being a watchman on the wall and will do any and everything in my power to share the word of God and prepare all for the return of Jesus Christ. (I am all about total ministry that deals with the total man and life on earth, but if we aren’t preparing people to see Jesus, then what are we doing?)

While I am resolved not to be Rev. Turner, now my prayer is that I will not be Patty, the one who heard the word but did not surrender to the word completely. Each time I watch the movie I can only imagine the anguish I would feel being left behind, knowing what’s to come, and how the media will try to spin the word of God, and the pressure the world government will place on everyone to take the mark of the beast. On this Christmas evening as we are another day closer to your return I want to thank God for sending His son to become my savior so I won't have to experience a world where the presence of God is absent after the rapture! The rapture so places everything into proper perspective, to imagine we are on the brink of God returning for His bride is exciting. God, allow me as your word instructs to occupy until you come but more than anything, I aspire to and will stop at nothing to be ready for your return.

A Look Inside of Christmas

As a child I loved to be given a maze and a pencil. I readily accepted the task of beginning at the starting point and navigating my way to the finish. I went to a County Fair and my experiences with the mazes on paper prompted me to go through an actual walk through maze that was constructed with tall maniured bushes. This experience was not the same as the one with the pencil. Looking at the maze from above was different from looking at the maze from within. Every dead end caused me to question everything, to reevaluate my decisions, and even question if I would ever make it to the finish line. Through faith and perseverance (and the help of the attendant at the fair lol) I made it through, but the experience was vastly different.

I have discovered often we read the bible from a panoramic perspective, and discover a beginning, middle and end, and expect the same results in our lives without immersing ourselves in the text to discover the type of faith that was necessary to yield these results. So being Christmas Eve, instead of looking at the package from the outside, let’s take a peak inside of the story of Christmas.

1.) Mary and Joseph are living a life devoted to God planning for marriage, and are given something from God that they didn’t plan for, (When these instances occur in our lives, What do we focus on it being from God, or the fact that we didn’t plan for it?) something out of their control. Their immediate response was not an organ playing, tambourines ringing, clapping and shouting, but rather fear…Come on, if you are engaged and your fiancé takes a pregnancy test, and its positive, and when you confront her, she tells you, “The Holy Ghost got me pregnant.” What would be your response? “For real Mary? The Holy Ghost got you pregnant? Right, we will see when we take a paternity test on Maury!” When God impregnates us with His promises that don’t fit our agenda do we deny them, abort them altogether, or embrace them trusting and believing that God’s plans are greater than ours?

2.) Mary and Joseph exhibit unprecedented faith during the pregnancy and birth of Jesus (compare Joseph’s response to Mary’s pregnancy with Zacharias’ response to Elisabeth’s pregnancy Luke 1) Despite the situation they repeatedly obeyed the voice of God on when to flee to Egypt and when to travel to Israel. I desire to have the connection and not only ear to hear but the faith to obey His voice when He speaks. I want to turn down the voices of my situations and thoughts so I can clearly hear the voice of God.

3.) From the moment Jesus was born he was sought after to be worshipped by some and sought after to be destroyed by Herod. Imagine the gravity it takes to be both revered by some and hated by others. You can’t become consumed by either. Can’t get caught up in the hype of those who are for you, or driven by fear of those who are against you, but must remain focused on the purpose God has given you.

Without the faith of Mary and Joseph, the savoir of the world is not born and redemption of mankind does not occur. God in His omniscience knew who he could trust with carrying the savior. My prayer is that God can trust me, that I will handle my pregnancies of purpose and destiny, the same way that Mary and Joseph did, despite any adversity. There are miracles, purpose, and destiny inside of you, and God has trusted you to birth these things, to cultivate and nourish them for the benefit of the world. I want to repeat the words told to Joseph by the angel, Fear not! What is inside of you is conceived of by the Holy Ghost, and if God gave it to you, that is an indication that He trust that you have what it takes to bring it to pass!

I Surrender All

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee my blessed Savior,
I surrender all

-Judson W. Van DeVenter 1896


Psalm 111:10 10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom:…
This scripture is taking on a new meaning and reminds me that ultimately God is in control and my life is not about me as I would think it is. The sooner I arrive at this conclusion the sooner I will progress towards the plans and thoughts that God has for my life. Pressure falls on those who are in control, when I surrender control of my life to God completely I have also given God the pressure that comes with making the decisions. Many of us desire and seek control of our lives for many reasons. We assume that when we are in control we can determine the outcome and are not subject to the moves of external parties we seek control because it doesn’t stretch us outside of our comfort zone and because it doesn’t require faith and without faith it is possible to please God. I am not against being in control, except when our control replaces our faith in God. Ultimately we can minimize the power of God in our lives. We make decisions and ask God to validate the decisions we have made, when God clearly states, Isaiah 55:8-9 8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Let’s go a little deeper. Some of us learn scriptures and attempt to work the word. I’m totally in agreement with this philosophy, the word will truly work if you work it. With that said, many of attempt to reduce God to a science, when God can’t be contained or captured. Sometimes God will allow you to do it right and it come out wrong, (or what we perceive as wrong at the time) simply to remind us that He is in control. This has been my scripture in 2008: Psalm 127:1 KJV Psalm 127:1 Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. After I do everything in my natural power to create positive results and success in my life, I still need God’s super on my natural to propel me to the supernatural life He desires for me.

God is in control. I believe He knows what is best to me, and my life is in your hands, and I will acquiesce to your will on any and every level. So now I pose the question is God manipulative? Did he love us (notice perhaps in another blog, how love takes you out of your comfort zone, to display agape love, God had to become something he abhors, sin which is outside of His divinity, to gain true love) to make us love Him in return. The fact is, He loved us to give us the choice of reciprocating His love. God’s love never negates our freewill and power to choose. This suggests that we should not attempt to control others through our kindness. Love independently because you want to and allow the other party to choose; this is the definition of true love. Should they choose not to love, don’t allow your love to become contaminated by manipulation because they can’t handle your pure love. Love comes with risk. God loves the world unconditionally, and daily many choose to reciprocate while others reject His love, yet God’s love remains the same.

Tonight I have a little less pressure, a little more freedom and confidence, although I am outside of my comfort zone, I am comfortable being in the center of God’s will. When I am out of control, God can be in control.

Do You Wanna Ride?

In so many of my prior blogs my thoughts are sequential, streamlined, organized, deliberate and ultimately arrive at a destination; however anyone who truly knows me, knows that my thoughts are random, haphazard and when truly expressing myself, I can change lanes without giving a signal, so fasten your seatbelt and sit back and come and take a ride with me in my mind…

I recall from a child that in December the major networks would air all of their Year in Review programming where they would recount the major events of the year. Lately this year I have been in a reflective space this year recounting my successes and struggles of the year. I read prior blogs from earlier this year where I asked God specifically for tangible maturation within our youth ministry this year and God as usual has exceeded my expectation. I have listened and watched the spiritual growth and evolution of our young people in countless manifestations. Young people have pursued God this year with reckless abandon and dealt with the realities of being in the presence of God, how no flesh can glory in His presence, and how God’s light reveals areas of us that aren’t like Him in an attempt to shape us and make us in His image, ultimately when God looks at us, He should see a reflection of Himself. I am invigorated by countless conversations, emails and texts from young people sharing their triumphs and adversities. This year has brought for our young people, new educational endeavors, new career moves, relationships that have developed and deteriorated, the development of individual and corporate ministries. (I can’t wait to reinstitute Commissioned, a class where we train youth and young adults for all types of ministry…look out for that in the 09!!!) All of the various mountains and valleys of 2008 have been stretched and strengthened.

Personally, I am so grateful that I get to (not have to) travel the United States and Canada to help young people unlock the greatness that resides within themselves. This year I have been afforded the opportunity to share the word of God at several youth conferences, churches, but ultimately, keep it real, there is no place like home. The hunger from the congregation at the Cov pulls the word out of you, not just on Youth Sundays, but Christian Education, worship and arts workshops, all night prayers, and the list continues. Instead of complaining about what I don’t perceive as right and what I don’t have, I am choosing to be thankful for what I do have.

At the end of the day (I can’t believe I used that phrase I can’t stand it, but at the end of the day, I guess it sums things up) Jesus is it for me; he is the only constant amidst a fluctuating world. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus is the fulcrum of the seesaw we call life.

As I am thinking about Jesus, I had a thought today about relationships, and what I can’t stand are couples that aren’t proud to be with each other, as if they are ashamed of one another. It is a trick of the enemy to constantly make one desire what they don’t have. The person you choose to be with is simply a reflection of you. With that said, I have to ask, how many times have I denied Christ and not claimed Him in my life? How many times have I prayed faster because others were watching in public, not prayed at all in private? Tried to blend so I wouldn’t have to deal with the pressure of standing out, placed God on hold, but never clicked back over? Now I am reaffirming my love for him, not merely with my words, but with my life.

The end of the year always makes come to grips with the fact that we are another year, month, week, day, hour closer to the return of Jesus Christ. It is incumbent upon us that we keep this in the forefront of our minds. It causes or lives to be lived with proper perspective. As I prepare for 2009 I am going to embrace the last few weeks of 2008. I am speaking in Los Angeles and Sacramento on December 28th and I am working on a message that deals with how change is created by a Decision, a Declaration, and A Duty. First we must decide that we desire change. Second we must clearly and identify what path to take to instigate change, and finally a Duty, a responsibility and commitment will bring it to pass.

All right I am rambling, so I will pull over…

The Past, The Pain, The Power

It is amazing how much time of our life is spent living in the past, both reliving victories and wallowing in losses. If the past isn’t used to affect the future then the past is overrated. Don’t get it twisted, I am not implying in the slightest, to adopt the mentality of, “Oh, well, the past is the past, get the dirt off your shoulders, get over it and move on…” only to later repeat the mistakes of the past again in again. What I am suggesting is that one treats the past as an archaeologist, using the past as a place for discovery, to reconstruct a new you for the future to see. Deal with the consequences of your history so you can embrace the possibilities of your future.

“But time don’t go back, it goes forward can’t run from the pain, go towards it.” –Jay Z Kingdom Come “Lost Ones”

(Did he just quote Jay Z? yes and I totally am willing to discuss the implications of music, how the Lucifer prior to being kicked out of heaven was influential in the arena of music, how masses are hypnotized by a beat, while subliminal sinful, misogynistic messages are woven into the tapestries of their minds, that later effect behavior. The debate of life imitating art vs. art imitating life, how the church can ill afford to reach the world by mimicking it giving them what they already have without any creativity, without any message of Jesus, how if one is going to cross-over, they must carry the cross (the gospel) over literally. With all that said, this quote simply substantiates the point I am attempting to make regarding the past and pain.)

-But time don’t go back it goes forward
No matter how much we live in the past, it is what it is, the past. Only God has the power to effectively and directly address our past. Genuine true repentance that comes from a sincere heart, and turning away from what we are repenting for, and asking God for a clean heart and right spirit, and allowing the blood to cleanse us is how we deal with our past. 2 Corinthians 5:17 17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. The best tool for me to address the past is the present and the future. Paul a man with a checkered past, flaws and all pre Christ (Acts 9) and Post Christ had the courage and wisdom to declare Philippians 3:13-14 13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Jesus told Peter, Satan desires to have you to sift you as wheat, but I prayed for you that your faith fails you not, and when you are converted, strengthen the brethren (I am so doing this text an injustice not mentioning Peter’s impulsive nature, how he constantly gets things 100% right in one instance only to get it 100% wrong the next, how he was a part of Jesus’ inner circle (James and John the sons of Zebedee being the others) yet, he denied Christ 3 times at the time when he needed him most, but later affirmed his love 3 times and preached the inaugural message of the New Testament church) Peter takes the mistakes of his past and uses them as fuel to make him a better Peter in the future.

-Don’t run from the pain run towards it
I had the pleasure of spending time with perhaps the most insightful introspective person I know, my mentee Matthew Mason this weekend. I will tell anyone clearly he is the real mentor in the relationship. We discussed this idea of the past and pain the scripture that clarifies the matter is when Peter after seeking God three times to remove pain, listens to God’s response. 2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Many people deny the pain and try to masquerade it. While others fail to acknowledge their weaknesses and some after acknowledging them loathe and wallow in their weaknesses. I ask God intentionally when I experience pain, setback, or heartbreak, allow me to feel the pain completely and so I don’t have a pseudo-healing only to have the pain reemerge later. Satan wants us to run from the pain, because there is power behind the pain. When we identify these areas of pain and surrender to Christ, when we discover our weakness we have just discovered Christ’s strength and it will infuse and empower us to transcend the past, and empower us to accept the future and destiny God desires for us.

An Encounter with God, Recap and Pictures

A Walk Through the Tabernacle was an evening that we will not soon forget. Young people and Young at heart began to gather around 10pm with a spirit of anticipation and expectation. As we entered, we discovered that our Church was transformed into a replica of the tabernacle, complete with the veil and the most holy place. (Thank you Butler Family and Sis Ellora!!!) After introducing ourselves, we began the evening with a prayer of Thanksgiving, where we didn’t ask God for anything, but thanked Him for everything that we so often take for granted.

While in the outer court stopped at the Brazen Altar which was made of acacia wood and overlaid with bronze which represents judgment, indicative of how Jesus who came in human flesh took on the judgment of God for our sins. It is here where we prayed a prayer of repentance. This prayer of surrender broke the chains of sins that many have grappled with for years. We then stopped at the Laver where we prayed a prayer of cleansing and purification for our minds, bodies and spirits. This prayer left us with that feeling you have when you get out of the shower. Our hearts were cleansed, our minds were ignited, our spirits were refreshed and rejuvenated.

We then journeyed into the inner court where we encountered the lamp stand. We accepted the mandate of Jesus Christ to let our lights shine so that men may see our good works and glorify our Father in Heaven. The entire room was dark and we each individual was given a candle, as our individual candles were lit the light illuminated the room and dispelled the darkness. Ultimately we brought our individual lights to the altar which caused a greater corporate light to illuminate the room.

At the altar of incense we were given a partner and transparently shared with each other our testimonies, insecurities, thoughts, and spiritual desires, and natural aspirations and then interceded for one another. The prayers of the saints went directly towards God. As we continued in the inner court we encountered the table of showbread. We were in small sharing groups, and after getting to know each other, we did an activity entitled “Baking Bread”. Each small group was given the task of making the word of God come alive for the entire audience. Everyone was truly fed of Manna from on High!

We arrived at an intersection between the inner court and the Most Holy Place and what separated was the veil, which was indicative of our flesh. We wrote down on post it notes intimate things that separate us from the presence of God. We attached these issues to the veil as a sign of surrender and desire to crucify our flesh, just as Jesus nailed our sins to the cross through His crucifixion. As we began to pray, the veil was open and I can’t describe or begin to express with words the power and anointing that permeated the room as the light from the Most Holy Place where the Ark of the Covenant and the presence of the Lord resided began to shine on us as we worshipped God.

God has given us access reminiscent of David’s tent, where we can come boldly to the throne of grace, through Jesus Christ who satisfied every requirement and addressed every tabernacle furnishing just as the High Priest did in the old testament. Nothing in life will satisfy the intrinsic hunger God has placed inside of us except God. Never allow the distractions of life, to disconnect, or disrupt, your passion or pursuit of God. Because in His presence there is fullness of joy and in His right Hand there are pleasures for evermore.