Say What You Need to Say

Just arrived in Denver Colorado and during my time of reflection, I just want to share some of my thoughts…

Last week was tremendously difficult with the passing of Care Pastor Trenese Durham; I am so amazed with the resilience love, and strength of the Durham family. I sat late Saturday evening in the driveway across Deacon Durham, and sat across from one of the strongest, compassionate, committed, and loving men the world will ever know.

The day after her passing Tiana text me, and said, she just wanted to be close with the saints, this text turned into a evening I will never forget, thanks to the CWC Youth and Young Adult Ministries staff, we disseminated information via text, face book, and phone calls, and we gathered together for an evening that shifted our perspective for ever. One by one we shared our reflections of Pastor Durham, how she inspired each of us, and how we are going to accept the challenge of carrying her legacy in ministry. We wrote letters to God, loved ones, and then shared them with each other. The evening culminated with affirmations and validations. As we held hands in a circle we all began to realize the importance of our words, and we said things to each other that could no longer wait. That night we didn’t shout, we didn’t sing, and no one preached, but instead of having church we were church. With our tears, words, and hugs we were one.

Why do we wait? To express ourselves causes us to be vulnerable, and often there is an unspoken fear of what will happen if our expression isn’t reciprocated. The bible declares that there is no fear in love, and perfect love cast out all fear. If our expression is linked to response alone, love then can be reduced to a tool of manipulation. But real love performs regardless of the response, it is self-sacrificing.

My life, like everyone has had a myriad of trials, I have vacillated between mountaintops and valleys. 2 things that give me peace at night are 1.) Knowing that I am in the will of God, and operating in His purpose, knowing that I do what I was created to do. 2.) Knowing that I have expressed to my loved ones how much they mean to me. This second one took a little getting used to, but I discovered I would much rather live with knowing I said what I needed to say (Thanks John Mayer) as opposed to opportunities passing and me living the rest of my life with regret.

Ryan inspired me because in the passing of Care Pastor Durham she sent me an email letting me know how grateful she was for leadership and the role we play in her life. Then today, Ain, my dear Sister sent me an email, and said I sparked a new phenomenon of expression, and she proceeded to write me a letter telling me how I have impacted her life. I am not going to lie, (blogs are or should be transparent), it was so hard for me to read both Ryan and Ain’s correspondences, because it made me vulnerable, I have to learn that it is unfair to give love and deny it when it comes back. It would be silly to sew seeds of love and reject the harvest when it arrives. I must admit this is a covert defense mechanism that those in ministry or service must be aware of. Some of us often have no problem giving love, but when it comes to receiving love it makes us vulnerable, and because we perhaps have been hurt in the past we don’t want to receive something that can be taken away. My goal is to love like it is the first time, because Jesus does it every time after He forgives me.

So please, do not take life for granted. Our time on earth is temporal, and love will last forever, because God is love. Even death is a portal for new and deeper revelation of God. While you are here forgive quickly because God forgives you, love is activated when you release it, so love others, this is how people will know you are Christ’s disciple.